well...

Well I had a miscarriage, I never thought I would say that because every pregnancy before had gone so good. I just assumed that I wouldn't be one of the people to have one. I will start from the beginning.
Josh and I had an "accident" on a Sunday the day after was memorial day so we waited until Tuesday to get a morning after pill because we didn't want to spend $70 on one. I took the pill as directed. They told me to wait 2-3 weeks and if I hadn't had my period by then I should take a pregnancy test I knew long before that, I was pregnant. Josh was very upset and stressed out because we weren't ready for another one we planed not to do it until October. I was very concerned because I had taken the morning after pill and I was worried it would led to birth defects. Well we decided that's great we are going to have another baby.
Last Wednesday my nesting instincts were killing me I had to do something about it. I went to my in laws to clean out the room they had let us keep some storage in because we didn't have enough room in our apartment for everything. I went there carried boxes of books around moved dressers took a mattress to the thrift store, and carried all of our laundry back and forth from the laundry mat. I was defiantly doing way too much carrying way too much, but I had done it before with the other girls so I thought I would be fine. Thursday I woke up and I was bleeding, I called the doctor and they told me because the color I should be fine it happens to a lot of people. I still had a feeling that something wasn't right. I continued to work but tried to take it easier than normal. Saturday I was still bleeding, still the dark color that they told me was ok. I had a 7 hour shift and at the end of it I called the on call Dr to see what I should do about the bleeding he reassured me I should be fine and to go to my Dr on Monday. Sunday I woke up to more blood and a bright red color, I was scared to death. I called the Dr again he told me again that I needed to wait until Monday to see my Dr. unless I was bleeding a lot then to go to the emergency room. I then started to pass more and more blood and clots I then KNEW the baby was dead. I was scared I didn't know what to expect I didn't know what to do I couldn't talk to anyone I just wanted someone to know without me telling them, I wanted someone to help me. I couldn't help but feel it was all my fault If I wouldn't have carried those boxes or taken that morning after pill everything would be fine. I called my mom because I knew she had been through it too. It was good to talk to her but it just scared me more and made it real to talk to someone about it. I never had any pain or cramping but I am hoping it is all over with. I go to the Dr today to get a blood test done to make sure that I am OK. I never realised how hard it would be to loose someone even though I wasn't pregnant that long it still hurts. I am just glad that I have my 2 beautiful girls, family, and friends that care so much about me.